I’ve lost my best friend, my soulmate… we talked about planning a wedding together, now I’m with his family and friends planning a funeral.

He is the most amazing man … so loving and gentle…. he always makes me laugh. he always makes me feel safe… He impressed me with his generosity and love over and over again.

I remember all of the amazing times we spent together… and I know that he’s so loved by everyone. When we started dating, we both knew that we had something special. Our relationship was understanding, peaceful and very loving.

carter would never have hurt me in anyway. He and I were both taking Chantix and were having crazy dreams. Saturday night we did not get much sleep and we went to Fort Worth and had the most amazing day going to The Modern Museum and lunch in Sundance Square.

That night, he had a few drinks… but Carter has quite a tolerance. I really think the lack of sleep, alcohol and Chantix sent him into a dream-like state…. it was like he was having a nightmare while he was awake… and I could not wake him up.

He and I had a great, peaceful, loving relationship… Sunday night was not Carter… I know the last time I saw him alive was during our fantastic Sunday outing….

i love him very much and always will….

Ricordo – I love you.

I can’t even fathom what Ryann feels tonight. Not for one second. She will also remain in my prayers eternally.